Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: http://bit.ly/xzrBUA Ukrainian-Russian tensions divide U.S. citizens along ignorant and apathetic lines, the national endowment for the arts provides 80 million dollars for discouraging talentless hacks, and a dog is held against its will inside a Skype window. It's the week of March 7, 2014. Like The Onion on Facebook: http://www.fb.com/theonion Follow The Onion on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/theonion More Breaking News: http://www.theonion.com/video/